Not to brag or anything but…

Square
Little Lion Man
This guy is such a n00b.

…I’m sort of awesome at executing a killer Halloween costume.

Don’t be spooked by my lack of humility — or by the frightening number of Halloween-y puns I’ve already packed into this post. Or by my alliterative ability.

I’m allowing myself to gloat and reflect on the past few years of costume crafting only because I possess no other “real” skills. At least, no other “cool” skills, like wakeboarding or curling my tongue. The occasional crappy pun and my alliteration abuse are equally as unmarketable as my ability to pull together a Halloween costume. Regardless, I’ve been trying to think up ways to include this skill on my résumé. It could demonstrate my… critical thinking skills? Creativity? Experience applying stage makeup? Perseverance when presented with an itchy blonde wig?

[Side note: “Sexy” costumes are lame, no matter how hot you are (I swear this isn’t rooted in my bitterness from being unable to pull off “sexy” costumes). A sexy bumble bee? A trashy garbage woman?? A hot cop?! A nurse with a garter belt and cleavage for days?! BORING. Girls, do something totally wild this year and cover your asses.]

I intend to come through in 2010 with another bad-ass (or just decent) costume. I would tell you what it is, but that would surely ruin the surprise. And there’s a chance that you wouldn’t catch the reference, and then we would both feel stupid, now wouldn’t we?

Unfortunately, I decided it would be ill-advised to include my costume timeline here, even though I talked an awfully big game. There is nothing outrightly incriminating about the photos, but I happen to know that the Internet saves everything. As proud as I am of my past costumes (including Uma Thurman’s character in Pulp Fiction, Donatella Versace, a redneck and Lady Gaga), I don’t necessarily want a Google search of my name to forever yield those images. Sorry, Interworld!

But stay tuned: if this year’s costume isn’t a total failure, I will share the results on my blog. So after four out of the five people who read my blog see me at the Halloween party on Saturday, you won’t even need to come here to see how it turned out.

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4 Replies to “Not to brag or anything but…”

  1. So, normally I too am against the slutty girl costume and have been almost as creative in my halloween attire (Avril Lavigne-y punk ballerina, a Parisian), but this year, I actually want to do the slutty thing–I mean, honestly, when else can you do it!?!? Is it justified if I zombify myself? Yes, I’m thinking Zombie Hooker. Pink wig and slit jugular included.

  2. I could maybe get behind the Zombie Hooker. I struggled this year with costume ideas, and my fallback plan was something similar, and an idea I might do in the future: a Slutty Clown. I mean a TERRIFYING slutty clown, with horrific and deranged clown makeup (a la “It”), cartoon hands, a Bozo wig, and then — out of nowhere — a surplus of skin and a super-tight clown dress. How confusing and messed up would that be?! People wouldn’t know whether they were supposed to be horrified or aroused. Or a little bit of both.

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